Your FOR Life
If consistent initiative (or actualized knowledge) is the key to self-leadership so you can experience a bigger future, what’s the silent killer that keeps us from it?
Our old friend, fear, of course.
But what is fear? I mean, really, what is it?
Ever really pondered it? I don’t mean someone else’s idea, like the “False Evidence Appearing Real” cliché.
What are your feelings, thoughts, and beliefs about fear?
Where do you feel it comes from?
Why do you think some people react fearfully to some things and not to others?
And, more importantly, why is it that SAME things other people are fearful of, hold no fear whatsoever for you and visa versa?
Why is that?
Have you ever pondered it?
Here’s some of my personal
insights and reflections:
We feel fear when we anticipate our future to be smaller (i.e., worse) than our present situation.
See, fear can’t exist without comparison. _We _can’t feel fear until and unless we compare two different points in time against one another.
One specific experience, situation, or circumstance if taken in isolation has no meaning, does it?
To borrow an overused (yet the clearest) explanation: If “cold” is all you’ve ever known, you have no frame of reference to know what “hot” means, do you? Actually, without getting a taste of anything other than “cold,” do you even have a frame of reference to experience “cold” beyond just an intellectual exercise?
Now, here’s where things get interesting.
Where does this comparison take place? It can only take place in our minds. We can’t be in two places at the same time, can we? That’s only possible in your imagination or mind, is it not?
Because if you experience “hot” after only knowing “cold” you have to call up a past memory of what you believe “cold” felt like in order to make the comparison. If you like your memory of cold (notice it’s the memory and not the direct experience) over your present experience of hot, you’ll probably prefer cold.
And, vice versa if your comparison memory doesn’t please you. Then maybe you’ll decide hot is “good” and cold is “bad,” yes?
Fear, then is really a memory of a memory.
Let that soak in for a second. It’s deep.
See, you can’t label something as “good” or “bad” without at least one side of the comparison being a memory (and, more often than not, the comparison is two memories).
Yet for you to feel fear you have to make another comparison. You compare your memory of “bad” and then you project that memory onto a future experience in order to fear it.
Since, the process of comparing, defining, and assigning meaning took place unconsciously, fear seems “real.”
(notice “real” is another label like “fear” that requires a memory comparison for you to know and define it’s meaning;-).
We don’t realize we can dissolve all fear by simply becoming aware of the mental conversations we have all the time to compare our memories and decide what we fear.
These conversations go on all the time.
You know what I’m talking about. Take the last few paragraphs you just read. You had to have several different mental conversations with yourself.
After all, that’s the only way you can decide what all this means to you. It’s the only way you can decide if I’m brilliant or a crackpot. If you agree or disagree. If you like or dislike my insights.
Now, keep in mind, most of the time you’re totally unaware of your internal dialogues.
However, a little awareness goes a long way because every time you shine the light of awareness on the shadow of fear, what has to happen?
It transforms fear into power. Which, in turn, adds to your momentum towards your bigger future. Simply start this observation process and I think you’ll be pleasantly surprised by how fast limitations you may’ve thought insurmountable will melt away.
Now, because these unconscious conversations have been deeply conditioned in you, the first step is to become aware of what you’re telling yourself.
Just simply observe and notice what mental conversations are automatically taking place. Don’t judge them. Just note them.
You see, by observing anything that feels risky (i.e., something you fear) without judgment… and without trying to change the perception in any way, shape or form… you wanna know what happens?
Usually the memory dissolves itself.
That’s because it only sticks around if you are hanging on to it by judging, justifying, or defending what you’re feeling. So you just want to eavesdrop in on the conversation.
And remember, don’t take sides (because taking sides is adding more comparisons and therefore reinforces your fears instead of dissolving them).
The key is to let the conversation run its course without you giving a rat’s ass about its substance. You don’t have to understand where the conversation came from to observe it, do you?
Now, if you find you can’t observe without taking sides (try it first before you assume you can’t), don’t sweat it.
I gotcha covered…
Shake It, You
Won’t Break It
The secret of overcoming your fears when you are so wrapped up in them that you can’t observe them without experiencing them is to:
Put yourself in a stretch situation.
See, the only other choice is to dissolve your fears by facing them consciously and directly.
Because when you consciously experience fear and allow yourself to move past it anyway, you get 3 gifts that instantly empowers you. You know those people who make it look so easy? Everything they touch turns to gold? That’s the “magic” powers waiting for you to command with these 3 gifts:
- Choosing action over fear instantly makes the unconscious, conscious.
Fear can only stop you if you fight it (which is just an automatic, unconscious reaction). Fighting fear makes it grow. The only way you can feel fear and do it anyway is to let any fear be present. The moment fear is consciously observed without resistance, it begins to dissolve because you’re no longer feeding it.
- Consciously choosing to act on your vision over conditions of fear instantly plugs the hidden leaks in your personal power.
You’ll see how you’ve been unconsciously giving your power away. If you knew fear needed your consent to control you, would you ever grant such permission? No way, right?
- You’ll go way beyond understanding to a gut level knowing, at warp-speed.
Direct experience transforms conceptual learning into an inner power and confidence that quickly becomes who you ARE. Experience is not only the fastest way to mastery but it’s also the only way to avoid falling back into old habitual, unconscious patterns.
You get true lasting power that can’t ever be taken away because it comes from within you.
Until we experience what it’s like to observe unconsciousness and make it conscious for ourselves, the level of personal power you have access to will always be limited by outside people, places, things, conditions and/or situations.
Are you starting to see the fallacy of “fighting through your fears?” It’s a funny thing about fear: It never stands still.
It’s either growing or shrinking.
You’re either intensifying them or dissolving them.
No other choice.
Every time you resist fear by mentally yelling “NO!” at it (or anticipate a negative outcome… or trying to beat it into submission so you prove whose boss) fear gains strength.
You might win a battle or two over fear, but never the war. It takes so much sheer willpower to fight fear, it’s not long before fear sabotages your future success because it mutates into a new and improved super versions of itself.
Fear is a mental cancer that can only survive by mutating and feeding on itself. It’s implanted in our minds under the guise of an ally there to protect and keep us safe from harm. Then the mutating begins.
At first fear is content to follow our lead because it’s a baby mutation. Soon, however, it takes over because the bigger fear grows, the more energy it must leech from you in order for it to survive.
The only way to shrink a fear tumor is to stop feeding it. If you want to reclaim your power, you’ve got to let fear burn itself out.
Simple. Fear’ll do the work for you, if… if you stay out of its way.
Fear will instantly surrender control to you if its final mind game doesn’t trap you:
The “You’re Risking Your Life Without Me” lie
See, when all else fails, fear tries to trick you into believing that feeling fear is dangerous.
That feeling fear is painful.
But, actually, the pain and suffering we feel isn’t from fear itself; it comes from anticipation of (and _resistance _to) the fear.
The truth is consciously allowing fear to be present is the greatest relief you will ever feel. Because here’s the thing:
Anything you fear is already present.
If you consciously welcome your fears, instead of fighting them, they’ll float up and out of you just like letting go of helium balloon.
Up, up, and away it goes.
Don’t fight to keep your fear balloon and you’ll experience a cathartic release of energy and power within you that feels so good it might just move you to tears.
And, oh, by the way, fearing the pain you think feeling fear will bring you, *is* resisting.
When you are feeling that something is risky, it’s because you’re moving outside your comfort zone. And this is a good thing because you don’t want to learn to be comfortable with pain, do you?
Daring to release your fear balloon feels risky only because you’ve grown accustomed to hanging on to it.
We all have areas that we’re comfortable and uncomfortable with. If you don’t have the success you seek yet (or you feel something’s missing) it is because what you want is outside your comfort-zone.
See, if it was inside your current comfort-zone, you’d already be living it. You would see it in your experience right this very moment.
Said differently, you’d have the bigger future you are seeking right now.
So, if you’re not already living your vision of that bigger future, all it means is that what you want is currently outside of what you’re comfortable with.
And, the bigger the risk feels to you is just an indication of how far outside your comfort zone it is.
If it feels like just a little bit risky, then what you want is very close by.
If it feels like a big risk, it’s telling you that the bigger future you want is currently waaay outside what you’re comfortable with at the moment.
Can you see now why it’s not risking your life, and instead, you are actually,