Hey, hey, hey… whaddya say?
We’re already up to part 4 in our examination of how to be your own Oprah. Time flies. Almost half way through it, with the best yet to come;-)
By now you know the routine, right? Each tutorial builds on the last one. Which obviously means if you just stumbled onto this one, you’ll want to start with the very first one before moving on to the others.
And, the same advice apply if you skipped or missed any of preceding lessons.
Here’s the running recap so far: You can access part 1 here. Likewise, part 2 you’ll find here. Or you can click here for part 3.
Nuf said. Time to get to work.
LEVEL 2:
The Fear Based,
“You’re A Pest”
Mental Conversation
Since only a few thousand people, out of the 7 billion of us sharing this planet, have the ability to turn off our minds, even though it’s unconscious, we are never without a mental conversation.
It’s a chain reaction.
Which means, when one thought, story, or narrative ends, it’s always replaced with a new one that’s in close proximity to the last one.
The next conversation will either be slightly more negative or positive towards you. However, keep in mind, its tone never ventures more than a bit from the benchmark of the previous conversation. That’s why people can’t move from asshole to advisor without having all the mental conversations in between.
They can move through each narrative very fast.
Or excruciatingly slow.
However, make no mistake about it: They are having these conversations with themselves to some degree.
So once you successfully insert yourself into someone’s mind-space at level one, and let the first conversation burn itself out, they will replace it immediately with the “You’re A Pest” mindset.
Obviously, thinking you’re a pest is a slight improvement over an asshole, yet the story is still firmly based in fear.
And, remember, all fear driven mindsets trigger our “fight or flight” instincts because they are automatic, unconscious defenses.
As a pest, you’ve created a little more openness but it’s far from trusting.
You’ve helped them dissolve the fear they had at level 1.
Now you want to keep that momentum going and help them feel even better by allowing them to burn out the fears behind their replacement “You’re A Pest” mentality.
A pest is an unwanted distraction, right? Something to be swatted, yes? Unwelcomed and aggravating. Yuck!
You have their attention… and, it’s a negative attention at this stage.
As you help them burn out the fear that’s fueling this frame of mind, their attention towards you turns more and more positive (altho still defensive).
In fact, this is the highest level of outright defensiveness that you will encounter from them. That’s because now they are well aware that they’ve let down their guard enough to let you in a bit.
Like a little kid who fights sleep because they don’t want to miss anything, when people run this mental recording, they are resistant.
The primary thought process people have at this level is,
“You’re annoying the shit outta me because you’re interrupting me. Hurry up and say something stupid so I can validate my first impression and go back to thinking of you as an asshole.”
This mindset tunes their filters so that they can gather the right evidence about you because they’re trying to prove that their irrational fears are right.
NOTE: They are probably ticked at themselves for upgrading you to “pest status.” So they’re looking for any excuse to shut down the interaction with you fast.
Here your only goal is to set the stage so they can “hear” you at the next level. The only way they will replace the pest conversation with the next one up the ladder, is if they mentally flip from negative to positive attention.
Remember to keep your cool. None of their fear-based mindsets are about you, personally.
It’s just how they’ve been conditioned to react based on their past life experiences. Basically your job is to let them vent until they get it out of their system.
Because until they drain themselves of their past negativity, nothing you communicate (regardless of it’s revolutionary power) will ever be able to penetrate their defenses.
Just like all fear-based conversations, you pass the pest test by allowing it to run its course without introducing more fear into the situation.
And, once again, this inner narrative about you will burn itself out. When it does, if nothing sends them running back down, they will automatically replace it with the next level.
Which, of course, is the topic of our next tutorial.
See you there.
Series Table Of Contents
~ Access Part 1 HERE;
~ Access Part 2 HERE;
~ Access Part 3 HERE;
~ Access Part 4 ABOVE;
~ Access Part 5 HERE;